May 2008 Host: Sarah

The Tender Bar by J.R. Moehringer

Summary

This is the memoir of a boy growing into manhood in Manhasset, New York. He was abandoned by his father and his search for male role models is fulfilled in a bar where his uncle works. Each man at the bar Moehringer became close with (e.g. the owner of the bar, a cop, a Vietnam vet, other bartenders) seems to fill a particular void in him. He truly feels accepted and comfortable at the bar. His mother who is portrayed as strong and loving was the center of his life and she was also a major force in shaping Moehringer. She often had difficulties making ends meet which is why they lived with her extended family in an old house held partially together with duct tape. His father was a radio announcer and Moehringer spent many hours trying to locate his voice on the radio. He was alternatively awed and disappointed by his father. The author tells of his struggles such as when he is failing out of Yale, when he tries to get promoted from a copyboy position at the New York times, problems with his girlfriend, and his unpublished novel. The Tender Bar is rich in detail, heartfelt, at times funny, and captivating. The author breathes life into his colorful characters. This memoir gives us insight into the importance of the union of men and some of the passages in the book have to be reread to fully grasp their meaning or to remind yourself as to why you are grinning such as the line: “…bars full of pickled people marinating in regret.” J.R. Moehringer is a winner of the Pulitzer prize.

Discussion

-Everyone enjoyed this book, it was a memoir that we would not soon forget and it was very well written.

-Moehringer seamlessly and skillfully weaves together a number of themes such as working single mothers, the pervasiveness of alcohol in certain sects of society, a poor kid in an ivy league setting, a son’s yearning for his absent father, first love, male bonding, and the struggles in writing his first book.

-It was agreed that Moehringer did not appreciate all of what seemed to be lucky breaks for him, e.g. getting into Yale and obtaining (albeit a copyboy) a position at the New York Times. He would go through stages where he would drink every night and then feel sorry for himself such as when he was on the verge of failing out of college.

Menu

For the first time, our group met at a restaurant. It was a vegetarian restaurant called WaterCourse Foods. We dined on tempeh burgers, tofu, and salad.